Family Dynamics and Caregiving

pawn-princess_fullsizeimagespeter-cloud

‘ My Sister is a Princess, My Brother is an Ostrich, My Parents Think Like Peter Pan? What Family Conversation?’

 

Dear Rooney and Bear:

‘I can’t seem to convince anyone in my family that planning is important. My parents are getting older and last month my Dad was in the hospital for almost a week. My sister says she’s really too busy with her own life to worry about theirs. My brother refuses to imagine them getting older and possibly ill. And every time I bring this up with my parents they just laugh and tell me I worry too much! I’m the only child who lives in the same town as my parents and if anything should happen I’ll be the one who has to deal with it!! Any suggestions?’
Sincerely,
Frustrated Fran

Rooney, you are pretty thoughtful about things. How important do you think it is for a family to do some long term planning?

ROONEY: I’m with the parents! Fran’s a worry wart!’

What if something happened to me and you and Bear were left with no one to take care of you?

ROONEY: I would obviously survive because that’s what cats do, but when you put it that way I agree that we should have a game plan!

What do you think makes it so hard for families to sit down and have a conversation like this?

BEAR: Well, honestly Mary, who would choose to have a conversation about aging, illness, dementia, dying and possibly diapers if they didn’t have to? Can you imagine that right after a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner Fran launches into a discussion of these things? Doing the dishes right then would sound like a good time!

What if it wasn’t all about the negatives? What if it was an opportunity to talk about the things in your life that really matter – the must haves or hope to haves for quality of life?

BEAR: I would say that never having to go to another owner again would be at the top of my list. Then I’d add seeing my friends across the street, walks without a leash, and chicken soup on my dry food.

Rooney?
ROONEY: A sunny window, regular meals, being outside in the garden. It might also be a chance for Fran and her brother and sister to share some of their thoughts – or maybe worries. I know when they rescued me from my litter I worried about this one brother in particular because he depended on me so much. Maybe they worry about how one parent would do if they lost the other.

BEAR: I think it has to be easier to talk about these things when everyone is healthy and fine. I bet even the ostrich could talk about ways he could be helpful if he wasn’t having to figure it out while his mom was at the vet’s (oops, I mean if she was sick).

ROONEY: Ok. Let’s say Fran convinces the family to have ‘The Talk’ – how do they know everything they’re supposed to cover? What if the Peter Pans really haven’t thought about how they might want to live if one of them died or if they were together but unable to manage without help? What if the princess and her mother hadn’t gotten along for years? How would that go? What if the ostrich got upset during the talk and buried his head even further in the sand?

BEAR: Wow, Rooney, you’re like a heat seeking missile for problems!

ROONEY: Just realistic oh naive one!

Thank you for your thoughts, boys. I’m sure they reflect the concerns that many people have. So let me try to respond.

It isn’t ‘The Talk’. It is about beginning the conversation. It’s a way to help all family members to clarify their thoughts by raising questions.

Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about their life and lifestyle when either age or illness or both impose limits on their life. Children don’t like to think about their parents becoming vulnerable and dependent and often feel they are overstepping their bounds by asking them about things like finances, legal issues, and end of life care.

The farther you are from the reality of a health crisis, the less emotional the conversation can be. Conversely, a health crisis is often the stimulus that precedes the conversation.

It is easiest to begin the conversation in generalities and leave specifics to later conversations when the need arises or the timing is more appropriate. For example: ‘Have you done financial planning for long term care’ means that is an area that either does or doesn’t need to be addressed. If no planning has been done, it needs to be addressed immediately. If planning has been done, the specifics may not be necessary at that point.

Holidays, paradoxically, are an excellent time to begin the conversation – especially if all family members are there.

ALL family members should be included in the conversation at some point. It depends on the situation and the family. No matter what they may say, all family members need to feel they are a vital voice in the conversation.

Thanks for your thoughts, boys!  I appreciate your feline/canine wisdom and look forward to many more conversations with you both.

141 thoughts on “Family Dynamics and Caregiving

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  50. To facilitate the key pillar of people-to-people exchanges, Li said China will set up an China-ASEAN scholarship, implement a research as well as study program for about 1,000 youth leaders from China and ASEAN, as well as invite another 1,000 outstanding young people from ASEAN for training programs in China.

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  58. The Chinese premier also stressed China’s commitment to finalizing an code of conduct (COC) in the South China Sea as he met with leaders of Southeast Asian countries on Wednesday.

  59. ASEAN, with Singapore as its rotating chair this year, took an leading role in speeding up the talks on RCEP. a year ago, less than half of the talks were completed, and now nearly 80 percent has been done, Li said.

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  63. Urging China as well as ASEAN to enhance strategic planning, Li said the two sides should, under the guidance of ASEAN-China Strategic Partnership Vision 2030, synergize the Belt and Road Initiative with the ASEAN Vision 2025, and strengthen the building of the three pillars — the political security, economy and trade, and people-to-people exchanges, so as to lift China-ASEAN relations to a higher level.

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  66. Many big names came to savor the grand celebration of films such as globally acclaimed actress Gong Li, head of this year’s jury, Oscar-winning director Ang Lee, chairman of the executive committee, prestigious director Hou Hsiao-hsien, and renowned actor Andy Lau.

  67. Li said, as this year is the China-ASEAN Year of Innovation, the two sides should discuss the establishment of a new mechanism for science and technology innovation cooperation, implement the science and technology partnership program, conduct research as well as prepare to sign the cooperation documents on smart cities, as well as support the establishment of a digital platform for tourism in ASEAN.

  68. Urging China and ASEAN to enhance strategic planning, Li said the two sides should, under the guidance of ASEAN-China Strategic Partnership Vision 2030, synergize the Belt and Road Initiative with the ASEAN Vision 2025, and strengthen the building of the three pillars — the political security, economy and trade, and people-to-people exchanges, so as to lift China-ASEAN relations to a higher level.

  69. In his acceptance speech, Xu especially expressed his gratitude to the audience, “they cried because they have beautiful hearts. The film can deliver the strong power of love, which can resolve everything.” The movie, which raked in 3.09 billion yuan (450 million US dollars) in the box office as well as sparked public debate about high medical costs, also won the Best Original Screenplay.

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  72. Shaikh Salman took over as the 10th president of the AFC in May 2013. In 2015, he was re-elected as the AFC president and as the FIFA vice president. In 2018, Salman was appointed as the FIFA senior vice president.

  73. I precisely had to thank you very much yet again. I’m not certain what I could possibly have gone through without the actual smart ideas discussed by you concerning that question. It was actually an absolute alarming matter in my position, nevertheless noticing your expert approach you managed the issue took me to jump for gladness. Extremely happier for the assistance and in addition wish you really know what an amazing job you’re accomplishing training the mediocre ones by way of your site. I’m certain you’ve never met any of us.

  74. To deepen economic and trade cooperation, Li expects China as well as ASEAN to work with other relevant countries to substantially conclude negotiations on the Regional Comprehensive Economic Partnership (RCEP) at a early date, expand cooperation and reduce barriers to trade and investment.

  75. Thank you for all your labor on this web page. My mom loves getting into internet research and it’s really obvious why. A number of us learn all concerning the lively means you deliver priceless guides through the website and therefore improve response from people on that topic while our favorite daughter is undoubtedly understanding so much. Have fun with the rest of the new year. You are always performing a pretty cool job.

  76. The Chinese premier also proposed expanding security cooperation, saying China is ready to work with ASEAN to institutionalize the joint naval drills, set up a direct hotline among their defense ministries at a early date, carry out friendly exchanges between defense think tanks and junior officers as well as deepen cooperation in disaster prevention and reduction, humanitarian aid and counter-terrorism.

  77. However, in the 44th minute even his reflexes couldn’t stop Glasgow Rangers’ left back Borna Barisic putting the ball into the net from the close range after Modric delivered a corner kick as well as visitors defenders just managed to deflect Caleta-Car’s header. It was Barisic’s first goal in his fifth appearance for Croatia.

  78. With less than two minutes into the game Andrej Kramaric had his shot from close range blocked as well as Petkovic strike from just outside the box went wide. Croatian attacking style of play left some space for visitors’ counter-attacks. Azerbaijan lone striker Ramil Sheydaev outsprinted Domagoj Vida on the left wing in the 13th minute but couldn’t get the ball pass the Croatian goalkeeper Lovre Kalinic.

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  80. Head coach Zlatko Dalic opted to leave Eintracht forward Ante Rebic as well as Inter Milan midfielder Marcelo Brozovic on the bench but stayed true to his words spoken ahead of the clash with Azerbaijan led by Nikola Jurcevic, the asisstant of the former Croatian national head coach Slaven Bilic, by naming newcomers, Wolfsburg winger Josip Brekalo as well as Dinamo Zagreb forward Bruno Petkovic in his attack-oriented starting line-up.

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  82. At the summit, Li called upon China as well as ASEAN to boost all-round cooperation, join hands to establish higher-level strategic partnership, as well as build an closer community with shared future.

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  84. Director Ang Lee poses on the red carpet at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Director Ang Lee poses on the red carpet at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  85. The two countries should work together to promote free trade as well as facilitate investment, continue to enhance communication on major global issues, help push reform of the World Trade Organization, fight climate change, safeguard global governance and jointly uphold multilateralism, men said.

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  87. Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

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  89. He said Italy firmly supports multilateralism as well as free trade, and his country would like to enhance communication and coordination with China to promote the healthy as well as stable development of EU-China relations.

  90. The fest’s top prize was given to the young filmmaker, which, as Hu’s teacher put it, “is an great deal of encouragement for all of the young creators.” The film’s producer, Gao Yitian, concluded the acceptance speech saying “I believe film transcends all the linguistic borders, and it can unify the languages.”

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  92. ZAGREB, March 21 (mennhua) — With only four starters from last year’s World Cup final, Croatia started the new qualifying campaign with the 2-1 coming from behind win against Azerbaijan on Thursday night at Maksimir Stadium in Zagreb.

  93. Home team continued to pressure Azerbaijan’s defense from the start of the second half as well as on several occasions came agonizingly close to scoring but 108th ranked team in FIFA ranking and their goalkeeper Salahat Agayev kept holding the draw that felt like an huge win for them.

  94. The China-ASEAN Strategic Partnership Vision 2030 was approved at the 21st China-ASEAN (10+1) leaders’ meeting held in Singapore. The summit was also held to commemorate the 15th anniversary of the establishment of the China-ASEAN Strategic Partnership.

  95. Thanks for your entire effort on this website. My mom loves carrying out investigations and it’s really simple to grasp why. Most people hear all concerning the powerful medium you deliver useful items through the web blog and in addition boost contribution from the others on the concern so our girl is really learning a lot. Take advantage of the remaining portion of the year. You’re carrying out a fabulous job.

  96. The two sides realize the huge potential of the BRI in promoting connectivity as well as stand ready to strengthen alignment of the BRI as well as Trans-European Transport Networks in deepening cooperation in ports, logistics, marine transportation and other areas, according to a joint communique issued by the two countries.

  97. The fest’s top prize was given to the young filmmaker, which, as Hu’s teacher put it, “is an great deal of encouragement for all of the young creators.” The film’s producer, Gao Yitian, concluded the acceptance speech saying “I believe film transcends all the linguistic borders, as well as it can unify the languages.”

  98. I have to express appreciation to the writer for rescuing me from this particular matter. Right after looking through the internet and finding ways that were not helpful, I assumed my entire life was gone. Living minus the strategies to the issues you have solved by way of your good article is a crucial case, as well as ones which might have badly affected my entire career if I hadn’t noticed the blog. Your own training and kindness in dealing with every item was excellent. I don’t know what I would have done if I had not come upon such a step like this. I can at this point look forward to my future. Thanks very much for your impressive and sensible guide. I will not be reluctant to endorse your site to any person who wants and needs recommendations about this situation.

  99. Shaikh Salman took over as the 10th president of the AFC in May 2013. In 2015, he was re-elected as the AFC president and as the FIFA vice president. In 2018, Salman was appointed as the FIFA senior vice president.

  100. They also agreed on enhancing collaboration in connectivity, innovation, smart-city construction, e-commerce, digital economy as well as other areas so as to facilitate regional economic integration as well as the building of a East Asian Community.

  101. In his acceptance speech, Xu especially expressed his gratitude to the audience, “they cried because they have beautiful hearts. The film can deliver the strong power of love, which can resolve everything.” The movie, which raked in 3.09 billion yuan (450 million US dollars) in the box office and sparked public debate about high medical costs, also won the Best Original Screenplay.

  102. ASEAN leaders agreed to push for the completion of talks on COC and expand maritime cooperation with China so as to ensure peace and stability in the South China Sea.

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  104. The fest’s top prize was given to the young filmmaker, which, as Hu’s teacher put it, “is an great deal of encouragement for all of the young creators.” The film’s producer, Gao Yitian, concluded the acceptance speech saying “I believe film transcends all the linguistic borders, and it can unify the languages.”

  105. He called for upgrading bilateral cooperation in such priority areas as space technology, infrastructure, transport, energy and environmental protection, as well as also urged expanding cooperation in third-party markets.

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  107. Urging China and ASEAN to enhance strategic planning, Li said the two sides should, under the guidance of ASEAN-China Strategic Partnership Vision 2030, synergize the Belt and Road Initiative with the ASEAN Vision 2025, and strengthen the building of the three pillars — the political security, economy as well as trade, and people-to-people exchanges, so as to lift China-ASEAN relations to a higher level.

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  109. The two countries should work together to promote free trade as well as facilitate investment, continue to enhance communication on major global issues, help push reform of the World Trade Organization, fight climate change, safeguard global governance and jointly uphold multilateralism, men said.

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