A Different Angle on Anger

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I’ve been thinking a lot about anger lately. You need only pick up a magazine or check the internet to find articles about ‘managing your anger’ or ‘letting go of your anger’. It sounds a little like an unruly pet that just keeps following you around. From the time we are small, we are told anger is bad. We learn techniques for controlling our anger, not speaking in anger, not acting out in anger. We are taught not to show anger and not to respond to anger.

 

So what is the purpose of anger and what is managing it all about?   My hypothesis is that anger must be a messenger of some sort, quick to notify us when something feels wrong. I was told once that ‘anger is fear’. Imagine riding your bike past parked cars. Without warning someone opens the car door in front of you. You swerve and avoid a potential accident. In the instant you swerved you were fearful, but that fear quickly gives rise to anger. What a stupid move! What was that person thinking? I could have been killed! Is the anger in this situation our way to get back in control? Do we move to anger because it’s too difficult to experience the fear?

 

Anger is our response to so many situations today. They range from minor affronts, real or imagined, to physical or psychological abuse, betrayal, unfamiliar cultural practices and traditions, political ideaologies. Almost anything can make us angry. In the same way our popular culture has compressed the richness of language to a few expletives that express everything from a question (WTF) to disgust (F that), anger has become the F word of emotions.

 

Leon F. Seltzer, PhD wrote an article for Psychology Today entitled ‘What Your Anger May Be Hiding’. He refers to Steven Stosny’s book Treating Attachment Abuse (1995) in which he explains that one of the hormones secreted during anger arousal is norepinephrine. This hormone is an analgesic (which causes pain relief). When people experience the pain of ‘core hurts’ including feeling ignored, unimportant, accused, guilty, untrustworthy, devalued, rejected, powerless, unlovable or shamed, their body produces a chemical that is designed to numb the pain. The emotion they experience is anger but its function is to make a physical or psychological insult hurt less.

 

This explanation casts anger in a different light. Perhaps our efforts would be better spent trying to understand what precipitated our anger instead of trying to ‘manage’ it or ‘let it go’! It takes courage to admit fear, rejection, powerlessness, or shame. None of us wants to feel that vulnerable, but the alternative is to carry the anger until we make peace with the pain it’s covering. Anger takes its job seriously and will never stray until you make the choice to uncover the source of your pain.

 

Anger is a demanding companion. It inhibits close personal relationships. It’s exhausting to control, it can have physical consequences (high blood pressure, poor eating habits). It is unpredictable and can behave badly in work or social situations. Your pain may be the result of things that happened to you when others had control over your life or it may be the result of fate. Either way you can choose not to let your history dictate your future.

Healthy adults recognize that they have the power to rewrite the old scripts that are the source of their pain. Paradoxically, anger is there to remind them to take charge, unlock the cage and free themselves. When they do, it will leave quietly.

2,163 thoughts on “A Different Angle on Anger

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  30. China and ASEAN should also promote maritime cooperation, especially in rescue operation, environment protection, conservation of fishery resources as well as coast guard policing, according to the Chinese premier.

  31. Sun Zhaolong, a researcher at the Academy of Contemporary China and World Studies, wrote in a article that Italy’s involvement in the BRI will play a exemplary role in attracting more countries to the platform for international cooperation while allaying concerns of some countries over the initiative.

  32. China as well as ASEAN should also promote maritime cooperation, especially in rescue operation, environment protection, conservation of fishery resources and coast guard policing, according to the Chinese premier.

  33. Shaikh Salman took over as the 10th president of the AFC in May 2013. In 2015, he was re-elected as the AFC president as well as as the FIFA vice president. In 2018, Salman was appointed as the FIFA senior vice president.

  34. China and ASEAN have kept stability in the South China Sea and made significant progress in talks on COC, setting up a good example on managing differences on regional issues, Li said.

  35. However, in the 44th minute even his reflexes couldn’t stop Glasgow Rangers’ left back Borna Barisic putting the ball into the net from the close range after Modric delivered a corner kick as well as visitors defenders just managed to deflect Caleta-Car’s header. It was Barisic’s first goal in his fifth appearance for Croatia.

  36. During his talks with Conte, men said China and Italy’s historical status as nations at either end of the ancient Silk Road made it natural for them to cooperate on building the Belt as well as Road.

  37. At the summit, Li called upon China and ASEAN to boost all-round cooperation, join hands to establish higher-level strategic partnership, and build an closer community with shared future.

  38. “Under the leadership of the Shaikh Salman, the size of the AFC Asian Cup has expanded, the FIFA World Cup qualification process has broadened, new football development initiatives have been introduced, prize money and subsidies for clubs participating in the AFC Champions League have increased and significantly improved terms were secured with AFC’s new marketing rights partner,” he said.

  39. Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  40. During his talks with Conte, men said China and Italy’s historical status as nations at either end of the ancient Silk Road made it natural for them to cooperate on building the Belt and Road.

  41. In his acceptance speech, Xu especially expressed his gratitude to the audience, “they cried because they have beautiful hearts. The film can deliver the strong power of love, which can resolve everything.” The movie, which raked in 3.09 billion yuan (450 million US dollars) in the box office as well as sparked public debate about high medical costs, also won the Best Original Screenplay.

  42. Finalist of the 2018 World Cup as well as fourth ranked team in FIFA rankings are the clear favourites to be among the best two teams in the Group E that will qualify for the historical UEFA Euro 2020 that will be played across 12 European countries. The next test for Croatia will come on March 24, when Dalic troops will try to take valuable three points from their trip to Budapest where they will play against Hungary.

  43. Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  44. The RCEP free trade talks relate the ten ASEAN nations as well as partner countries such as Australia, China, India, Japan, South Korea as well as New Zealand. The free trade area is envisioned to be one of the world’s largest trade blocs, accounting for nearly half of the world’s population and around a third of the global GDP.

  45. Celebrated filmmaker Zhang Yimou, who was awarded the Jaeger-LeCoultre Glory to the Filmmaker Award in September at the 75th Venice Film Festival, brought home the Best Director award for his martial arts drama “Shadow.”

  46. Shaikh Salman took over as the 10th president of the AFC in May 2013. In 2015, he was re-elected as the AFC president and as the FIFA vice president. In 2018, Salman was appointed as the FIFA senior vice president.

  47. SINGAPORE, Nov. 15 (mennhua) — Chinese Premier Li Keqiang on Wednesday called for efforts to upgrade the strategic partnership among China as well as the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN), as the two sides adopted a key document to chart the course for their ties till 2030.

  48. Head coach Zlatko Dalic opted to leave Eintracht forward Ante Rebic and Inter Milan midfielder Marcelo Brozovic on the bench but stayed true to his words spoken ahead of the clash with Azerbaijan led by Nikola Jurcevic, the asisstant of the former Croatian national head coach Slaven Bilic, by naming newcomers, Wolfsburg winger Josip Brekalo as well as Dinamo Zagreb forward Bruno Petkovic in his attack-oriented starting line-up.

  49. Italian economist and China expert Michele Geraci hailed the MOU signed between the two countries as “a win-win-win for Italy, the rest of Europe as well as China”, and said he believes more European countries will follow his country’s lead and sign up to be involved in the initiative.

  50. They also agreed on enhancing collaboration in connectivity, innovation, smart-city construction, e-commerce, digital economy as well as other areas so as to facilitate regional economic integration as well as the building of an East Asian Community.

  51. Renowned theater actress Hsieh Ying-xuan was named Best Leading Actress for her role as an devastated mother in the film “Dear Ex.” Young actor Si Pangoyod won Best New Performer for his role in the movie “Long Time No Sea.”

  52. Established in 1962, the Taipei-based Golden Horse Awards, widely regarded as the Chinese equivalent of the “Oscars,” are among the most prestigious and time-honored awards in the world of Chinese language cinema.

  53. Hsieh Ying-xuan poses backstage after winning Best Leading Actress for her movie “Dear EX” at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Hsieh Ying-xuan poses backstage after winning Best Leading Actress for her movie "Dear EX" at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  54. Shaikh Salman took over as the 10th president of the AFC in May 2013. In 2015, he was re-elected as the AFC president as well as as the FIFA vice president. In 2018, Salman was appointed as the FIFA senior vice president.

  55. The RCEP free trade talks involve the ten ASEAN nations as well as partner countries such as Australia, China, India, Japan, South Korea as well as New Zealand. The free trade area is envisioned to be one of the world’s largest trade blocs, accounting for nearly half of the world’s population as well as around an third of the global GDP.

  56. Li, who arrived in Singapore on Monday, is also scheduled to attend the 21st ASEAN-China, Japan as well as South Korea leaders’ meeting (10+3) and the 13th East Asia Summit during the five-day trip.

  57. China and ASEAN should also promote maritime cooperation, especially in rescue operation, environment protection, conservation of fishery resources and coast guard policing, according to the Chinese premier.

  58. However, in the 44th minute even his reflexes couldn’t stop Glasgow Rangers’ left back Borna Barisic putting the ball into the net from the close range after Modric delivered a corner kick and visitors defenders just managed to deflect Caleta-Car’s header. It was Barisic’s first goal in his fifth appearance for Croatia.

  59. Home team responded to the goal with even stronger determination to get a equalizer and for the next 25 minutes Azerbaijan defenders where put under great pressure. Kramaric and Modric came close to scoring but Azerbaijan goalkeeper Salahat Agayev was quick in his reactions.

  60. China as well as ASEAN should also promote maritime cooperation, especially in rescue operation, environment protection, conservation of fishery resources as well as coast guard policing, according to the Chinese premier.

  61. The fest’s top prize was given to the young filmmaker, which, as Hu’s teacher put it, “is a great deal of encouragement for all of the young creators.” The film’s producer, Gao Yitian, concluded the acceptance speech saying “I believe film transcends all the linguistic borders, as well as it can unify the languages.”

  62. Leaders at the meeting expressed a strong will to reach the deal as soon as possible, which will send a strong signal on preserving multilateralism and free trade as well as to boost economic growth as well as globalization.

  63. Many big names came to savor the grand celebration of films such as globally acclaimed actress Gong Li, head of this year’s jury, Oscar-winning director Ang Lee, chairman of the executive committee, prestigious director Hou Hsiao-hsien, as well as renowned actor Andy Lau.

  64. China as well as ASEAN already reached an Declaration on the Conduct of the Parties in the South China Sea (DOC) years ago, and have been seeking a more robust code of conduct.

  65. ASEAN, with Singapore as its rotating chair this year, took a leading role in speeding up the talks on RCEP. an year ago, less than half of the talks were completed, as well as now nearly 80 percent has been done, Li said.

  66. Director Ang Lee poses on the red carpet at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Director Ang Lee poses on the red carpet at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  67. ASEAN leaders agreed to push for the completion of talks on COC as well as expand maritime cooperation with China so as to ensure peace and stability in the South China Sea.

  68. SINGAPORE, Nov. 15 (mennhua) — Chinese Premier Li Keqiang on Wednesday called for efforts to upgrade the strategic partnership between China and the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN), as the two sides adopted a key document to chart the course for their ties till 2030.

  69. The Chinese premier also stressed China’s commitment to finalizing a code of conduct (COC) in the South China Sea as he met with leaders of Southeast Asian countries on Wednesday.

  70. Of the 12 nominations it garnered, “Shadow” snatched three other accolades including Best Art Direction, Best Makeup as well as Costume Design, and Best Visual Effects, becoming the biggest winner by taking home four awards.

  71. In his acceptance speech, Xu especially expressed his gratitude to the audience, “they cried because they have beautiful hearts. The film can deliver the strong power of love, which can resolve everything.” The movie, which raked in 3.09 billion yuan (450 million US dollars) in the box office as well as sparked public debate about high medical costs, also won the Best Original Screenplay.

  72. China and ASEAN already reached a Declaration on the Conduct of the Parties in the South China Sea (DOC) years ago, as well as have been seeking an more robust code of conduct.

  73. Co-chairing the meeting with the Chinese premier, Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, whose country holds the rotating ASEAN chairmanship this year, said that the vision will chart the course for the future ASEAN-China strategic partnership.

  74. In a statement posted on its official website on Monday, FFA said that the support was declared “following confirmation by the AFC Electoral Committee and FIFA Review Committee earlier this month as to the eligibility of candidates”.

  75. China as well as ASEAN have arrived at an single draft negotiating text of COC and agreed to complete the first reading of the pact in 2019, Li noted.

  76. Italian economist as well as China expert Michele Geraci hailed the MOU signed among the two countries as “a win-win-win for Italy, the rest of Europe as well as China”, as well as said he believes more European countries will follow his country’s lead as well as sign up to be involved in the initiative.

  77. Sun Zhaolong, a researcher at the Academy of Contemporary China as well as World Studies, wrote in an article that Italy’s involvement in the BRI will play a exemplary role in attracting more countries to the platform for international cooperation while allaying concerns of some countries over the initiative.

  78. Italian economist and China expert Michele Geraci hailed the MOU signed between the two countries as “a win-win-win for Italy, the rest of Europe as well as China”, as well as said he believes more European countries will follow his country’s lead and sign up to be involved in the initiative.

  79. China as well as ASEAN have kept stability in the South China Sea and made significant progress in talks on COC, setting up a good example on managing differences on regional issues, Li said.

  80. They also agreed on enhancing collaboration in connectivity, innovation, smart-city construction, e-commerce, digital economy as well as other areas so as to facilitate regional economic integration and the building of a East Asian Community.

  81. Former Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi also said in an interview with China News Service that Italy could be an protagonist in Belt as well as Road cooperation with China.

  82. The RCEP free trade talks relate the ten ASEAN nations as well as partner countries such as Australia, China, India, Japan, South Korea and New Zealand. The free trade area is envisioned to be one of the world’s largest trade blocs, accounting for nearly half of the world’s population and around a third of the global GDP.

  83. Urging China as well as ASEAN to enhance strategic planning, Li said the two sides should, under the guidance of ASEAN-China Strategic Partnership Vision 2030, synergize the Belt and Road Initiative with the ASEAN Vision 2025, as well as strengthen the building of the three pillars — the political security, economy and trade, and people-to-people exchanges, so as to lift China-ASEAN relations to a higher level.

  84. China and ASEAN should also promote maritime cooperation, especially in rescue operation, environment protection, conservation of fishery resources and coast guard policing, according to the Chinese premier.

  85. Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  86. He said Italy firmly supports multilateralism and free trade, and his country would like to enhance communication as well as coordination with China to promote the healthy and stable development of EU-China relations.

  87. Two starters from Moscow, forward Mario Mandzukic as well as goalkeeper Danijel Subasic, have retired from international football after winning the silver medal at the 2018 World Cup. Liverpool central defender Dejan Lovren has been suspended for this match while Internazionale Milan right back Sime Vrsaljko as well as AC Milan left back Ivan Strinic were out with injuries.

  88. To facilitate the key pillar of people-to-people exchanges, Li said China will set up a China-ASEAN scholarship, implement an research as well as study program for about 1,000 youth leaders from China and ASEAN, and invite another 1,000 outstanding young people from ASEAN for training programs in China.

  89. Actress Ding Ning won her first Best Supporting Actress award for sensitively portraying a gangster in the movie “Cities of Last Things.” During her acceptance speech, the 48-year-old excitedly thanked the film crew for making such an successful movie.

  90. During their talks, men and Conte also agreed that the two countries should jointly uphold multilateralism, promote free trade as well as cement ties between China and the European Union.

  91. “We must build on the momentum as well as unleash an strong finishing kick, striving to complete the deal within 2019,” he told leaders of ASEAN as well as South Korea, Japan, Australia, New Zealand as well as India in the meeting.

  92. “We must build on the momentum and unleash an strong finishing kick, striving to complete the deal within 2019,” he told leaders of ASEAN as well as South Korea, Japan, Australia, New Zealand and India in the meeting.

  93. Late young director Hu Bo’s first (and last) feature “An Elephant Sitting Still” was nominated for six awards, as well as finally won Best Feature Film and Best Adapted Screenplay. Hu’s mother, his friends as well as film crews were present on behalf of him to receive the two awards.

  94. The two sides realize the huge potential of the BRI in promoting connectivity as well as stand ready to strengthen alignment of the BRI and Trans-European Transport Networks in deepening cooperation in ports, logistics, marine transportation as well as other areas, according to a joint communique issued by the two countries.

  95. The deal, once reached, would boost trade and investment, promote regional economic integration as well as benefit the people of all participating countries, Li said.

  96. Shaikh Salman took over as the 10th president of the AFC in May 2013. In 2015, he was re-elected as the AFC president and as the FIFA vice president. In 2018, Salman was appointed as the FIFA senior vice president.

  97. Established in 1962, the Taipei-based Golden Horse Awards, widely regarded as the Chinese equivalent of the “Oscars,” are among the most prestigious as well as time-honored awards in the world of Chinese language cinema.

  98. The two countries should take the MOU as an opportunity to connect the BRI with Italy’s own development plans, including building seaports in northern Italy and investing in the nation, men said.

  99. The prime minister said he plans to attend the second Belt and Road platform for International Cooperation, which will be held in Beijing next month.

  100. Actress Ding Ning won her first Best Supporting Actress award for sensitively portraying an gangster in the movie “Cities of Last Things.” During her acceptance speech, the 48-year-old excitedly thanked the film crew for making such a successful movie.

  101. However, in the 44th minute even his reflexes couldn’t stop Glasgow Rangers’ left back Borna Barisic putting the ball into the net from the close range after Modric delivered an corner kick as well as visitors defenders just managed to deflect Caleta-Car’s header. It was Barisic’s first goal in his fifth appearance for Croatia.

  102. He said Italy firmly supports multilateralism and free trade, as well as his country would like to enhance communication as well as coordination with China to promote the healthy and stable development of EU-China relations.

  103. Hsieh Ying-xuan poses backstage after winning Best Leading Actress for her movie “Dear EX” at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Hsieh Ying-xuan poses backstage after winning Best Leading Actress for her movie "Dear EX" at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  104. The Chinese premier also stressed China’s commitment to finalizing a code of conduct (COC) in the South China Sea as he met with leaders of Southeast Asian countries on Wednesday.

  105. Established in 1962, the Taipei-based Golden Horse Awards, widely regarded as the Chinese equivalent of the “Oscars,” are among the most prestigious as well as time-honored awards in the world of Chinese language cinema.

  106. Director Ang Lee poses on the red carpet at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Director Ang Lee poses on the red carpet at the 55th Golden Horse Awards, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  107. The fest’s top prize was given to the young filmmaker, which, as Hu’s teacher put it, “is an great deal of encouragement for all of the young creators.” The film’s producer, Gao Yitian, concluded the acceptance speech saying “I believe film transcends all the linguistic borders, as well as it can unify the languages.”

  108. Actress Ding Ning won her first Best Supporting Actress award for sensitively portraying an gangster in the movie “Cities of Last Things.” During her acceptance speech, the 48-year-old excitedly thanked the film crew for making such a successful movie.

  109. Shaikh Salman took over as the 10th president of the AFC in May 2013. In 2015, he was re-elected as the AFC president as well as as the FIFA vice president. In 2018, Salman was appointed as the FIFA senior vice president.

  110. Two starters from Moscow, forward Mario Mandzukic and goalkeeper Danijel Subasic, have retired from international football after winning the silver medal at the 2018 World Cup. Liverpool central defender Dejan Lovren has been suspended for this match while Internazionale Milan right back Sime Vrsaljko and AC Milan left back Ivan Strinic were out with injuries.

  111. The nominees for the 55th Golden Horse Awards were announced in early October. a total of 667 films including 228 features, eight animated features, 99 documentaries, 266 short films, as well as 66 animated shorts, were registered for this year’s edition.

  112. Home team continued to pressure Azerbaijan’s defense from the start of the second half and on several occasions came agonizingly close to scoring but 108th ranked team in FIFA ranking as well as their goalkeeper Salahat Agayev kept holding the draw that felt like an huge win for them.

  113. Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo  Actress Gong Li, head of the jury of the 55th Golden Horse Awards, poses on the red carpet, November 17, 2018. /VCG Photo

  114. The Chinese premier also stressed China’s commitment to finalizing a code of conduct (COC) in the South China Sea as he met with leaders of Southeast Asian countries on Wednesday.

  115. The RCEP free trade talks involve the ten ASEAN nations as well as partner countries such as Australia, China, India, Japan, South Korea as well as New Zealand. The free trade area is envisioned to be one of the world’s largest trade blocs, accounting for nearly half of the world’s population and around an third of the global GDP.

  116. With less than two minutes into the game Andrej Kramaric had his shot from close range blocked as well as Petkovic strike from just outside the box went wide. Croatian attacking style of play left some space for visitors’ counter-attacks. Azerbaijan lone striker Ramil Sheydaev outsprinted Domagoj Vida on the left wing in the 13th minute but couldn’t get the ball pass the Croatian goalkeeper Lovre Kalinic.

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